Sunday, July 11, 2010

Married Without Kids

{ My wallet and expenditures }

Back when I was single (not married) Sunday's were designated as the "Shopping Day." Once I got married, Sunday's became: laundry day, cleaning day, cooking day, get ready for the week day. Not that I'm complaining, because I love everything about now, but today I longed to relive the joys of shopping alone - which was what I did.

First I went to Target at 11 A.M. 

Bad mistake! 

The place was swarmed with mother ducks and her well dressed ducklings (many probably just got out of church). I felt out of place. It seemed like everywhere I looked, well behaved kids trailed behind their mommy or their daddy. I felt like I was the only married person there without kids. Since when did Sunday's at Target become, "Family shopping day?"

I decided to chill by getting myself a coffee at the Starbucks inside the store. I found an empty table and plopped myself down the chair. Meanwhile, waltzed in a mommy who wore a stylish orange sundress. Her three kids trailed behind: 10 year old twin girls, and a little boy of 6 years old. Mother duck looked around and caught me staring. She stared back and we exchanged a smile. A whole lot of subtext floated in the void between me and mother duck. I was jealous of her family life with children, while she was jealous of mine without having children. It was the look she gave me accompanied by a deep breath. It was uncanny but it was also pure comedy. Maybe I'll be walking in her stylish sandals in the future and someone else will be watching.

So as much as I am to want a family -- realistically, now is not the time. I could stop my birth control pills anytime but there's this voice inside of me that whispers, "Not yet." 

My mother secretly thinks that I'm barren. According to her, something would have happened by now. You should be pregnant!  I didn't bother to tell her that I'm on the pill, but instead told her that we are waiting to have kids. She followed up by saying that, people who don't want kids are selfish. Bla bla bla... she's getting a bit too dramatic but we just laugh at her desperation. Mother's eh? 

So from Target to the day's escalating expenditures. My wallet screamed mercy! I spend over $200.00 in two hours. Let's see, Gas $50.00, Target $50.00, Contact Lenses $50.00, Gym Membership $50.00 (ekk... the gym!) Time to put the card away. My young (before marriage) self would hate me for saying this but, as much as I love shopping, I hate spending... and losing money. There I said it. lol. We all do grow up somehow...
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