Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Karen B.

Our family friend, Karen died of brain cancer this past Tuesday. She went unconscious towards Christmas and slowly lived until the last breath escaped her. It was devastating and I hate it.

Typically, I inch away from people who are dying - it's something I just can't take so distance becomes the answer. Perhaps, it's my way of coping so that there will be no sad memories to remember, just happy ones. Perhaps skipping their funeral fools me into believing that they never died, that they just moved far away. But I couldn't get away from this situation. One of Karen's last request was to hear me sing her favorite songs. I almost said no because I couldn't take it, but how can I deny such a wish? So my family spent time with her to fellowship and to sing songs... and now she's gone and I am asked to sing a song for her funeral and I just know that I will not be able to sing it properly. It's going to be a complete emotional waterworks mess.

I just want to run away and forget that she's gone. I just want to remember her smiling face, her outlook in life, her healthy recipes, and the cheer she brought people... I don't want to see sadness, crying faces, and her open casket. It would just make it all true, that she's really gone.

It's pretty hard to concentrate. It seems so surreal that life goes on beyond death... the feeling is unexplainable. I also don't believe people go to heaven when they die. It seems so foolish.

Her funeral is already set and instead of flowers, the family asked for fruit baskets because Karen kept saying, "Lord make me a fruit, not a vegetable." And excess fruits will be donated to charity. It's beautiful.

So here's Wednesday's List:

Make Life Worthwhile

Say, "I Love You" more often.
Be positive and be optimistic.
Smile often.
Don't be afraid to fail.
Reach for the sky.
Achieve your dreams.
Make a difference.

And finally a beautiful poem:
Salutation To The Dawn

Look to this day!
For it is life, the very life of life.
In its brief course
Lie all the verities and realities of your existence:
The bliss of growth
The glory of action
The splendor of beauty
For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow only a vision
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore to this day!
Such is the salutation to the dawn.

- Kalidasa, Indian Poet 
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  1. Wish we could have been there today. I have been thinking of Karen's funeral all day today. I'm sad that her beautiful life ended much too soon. I'm glad that you were brave enough to go and sing to her and I'm sure that your song today was absolutely beautiful, even if there were tears.

  2. Thanks Misty. It was difficult but it was done with love. But I've never seen the church that packed before... it was amazing how many people she made a difference to.

    Hope you all are doing great. We miss you guys around here. I miss the old times, it's so different now.

  3. I'm glad that you sang for her, Eleanor. We couldn't go. It hits too close to home. We didn't want to make it a reality for the girls. I hope Karen would understand. She is greatly missed and loved.

  4. Hi Autumn. I sure she would have understood. It is a sensitive situation that I too didn't want to attend because it's just hard to take. But you're a strong woman and I'm glad that you posted up your pictures at the hospital. That takes a lot of courage. :-)

  5. This is a very sad story. Yet I think you coped with it beautifully. Probably there is no literal 'heaven' after death nevertheless it is meaningless to believe that death is the end, otherwise what purpose would our life have?